Trudos

So. I'm well aware that it's been two years since I last said anything on here. Late 2014 and 2015 were a roller coaster. 
Where do I begin? Girlfriend's possessive bitch of a best friend dared to try and come between us (she's gone now), I got an apartment only to find out that Metcap is the shittiest landlord company ever (At least they are for Canada where we actually have standards), and went back to school to finish my degree.
Then 2015. Got married (yay!), burnt out in school (bleh), got bedbugs (don't even ask), graduated by the skin of my teeth (so happy), lost most of my stuff in the apartment when I got evicted a month early without warning for sketchy reasons.
But 2016 is here! Celebrated my one year anniversary, watched the new star wars, and have developed a new fan obsession with it like never before! Only matched by my wife West-117 who is self professed Reylo trash.
I've been reading fan theories, playing Knights of The Old Republic again, and writing the story for my very own star wars game. Also designing my own lightsaber which I'm probably going to try and make as a mod for Kotor.

Oh yeah, making my own game. I don't know if I'll ever get to make it (though it would be my dream come true), but I'm aiming to become a game dev. Because I love video games, and they're the best medium I could ask for to make the stories I want to tell.

So yeah, that's my life right now. My life is on an uptick again, and I'm feeling more social again and trying to reach out to people.

Hello, hello, hello!
Anyone who's been following me and pays any attention to my deviantArt activity will notice that I have been markedly absent since... Lord alone knows when. For that, I'm sorry. Truth be told, I'm afraid I burned out on dA. I have a CRAPLOAD of unreplied-to replies in my inbox, and more than 1600 pictures and journal updates to peruse. Somehow I let it all pile up. And at the same time around fall last year my interest in dA waned and blinked out after reaching flatline levels. Unfortunately that also meant leaving a couple online friends in the lurch, for which I'm terribly sorry. Personally, I suspect at least part of this is due to the fact that my own emotional levels were reaching a flatline over the course of the summer and into the winter and fall. I have a hard time admitting to the effects of anything beyond my control, but I think my parent's marriage cracking, fissuring, and finally breaking open over the past couple years has not helped anything.
But enough with depressing details. Here's the biggest updates on what's been going on for me over the last year.

- I have a job! I've been working at McDonalds since like September. And it's been a pretty awesome time. On the one hand, I'm starting to loath part time jobs and fast food work, on the other hand I'm starting to get a lot more hours, and I should soon be able to move out on my own at this rate.

- Speaking of moving out, I decided to leave the place I have called home for most of my born days and move in with my mother. It's a small townhouse (and honestly, living with her is just about worse than living with my dad), but it's a really nice place in its own way. There's a lot of younger families with a lot of small children who can be seen playing outdoors on just about any given day. There's also a lot of trees, greenery, birds, and fluffy little animals (namely skunks and raccoons) that come out at night.

- I am slowly recovering my sanity. Which is seriously important.

- My best friend bought me a 3DS for my birthday and Pokémon X for Christmas, which is probably the most awesome present I could ask for, next to like a new car or gaming computer. And even then. Pokémon. Seeing all the pokemon in such lifelike 3D has been a very real treat. I love it. On that note, if you, dear reader, also have a 3ds, please comment and we can exchange friend codes.

- Having begun to recover my sanity, I'm actually looking into beginning a career in web design, starting with a website for my dad's company. Which is going to be really amazing and is now almost complete. It would actually be complete right now if testing weren't a ****. I have had few more consistently frustrating experiences than developing a website.

- Saving the best for last, after being single for like 3 years, I've found probably my dream girlfriend. (Okay, scratch that probably). And let me tell you, the lovely West-117 is not only a stunning beauty of a girl, she also has an incredible personality and is one of the very few people who can actually keep me in line. We've been the best of friends since shortly after we started talking, but as of January 1st 2014 everything changed and we decided probably the best thing we could ever do is get married. So we're kinda sorta unofficially engaged. Admittedly, that sounds pretty sketchy, but I can honestly say I've never been more serious, or had more reason to think a girl was worth it. I love her.

Aaaaaand that's probably just about everything. Actually it probably isn't, but I've suddenly decided I like saying probably. (You've probably noticed by this point). So yeah, that's probably it for now. OH! one last thing. I have actually been without internet this past month except for my phone (my phone bill for this past month is probably going to make me cry for this reason). But I have plans of acquiring an internet connection within the next few weeks and I'm very likely to get back on and start talking to the many wonderful people who I've missed.
Peace out,

~Trudos

Hello again,

Dear people, especially all of you who watch me on dA and actually read my journals,
First, I must apologise for so rarely posting on here. I'm very good at starting conversations and making friends, but I'm hardly filling your inbox with artwork to peruse. Honestly, half of the problem is laziness When it's so much easier to give into distractions, play games, go on tumblr, waste time on... well, the entirety of the internet it seems, I end up horribly procrastinating anything meaningful, because I'm either too lazy or too intimidated to put in the work. That or I'm just not in the mood.
On that note, that not being in the mood part is a big deal. I've had two crushing heartbreaks in the last month. I know I've had other crap going on, but these are so big they've filled my vision.
First, the girl I've dreamed about, who I was hoping to meet again one day, will likely never be entering the scene after all. I've found out she's engaged... and a new mom. Now, engagements can be broken (at least, for her, I could accept that ), but having a child... that's something a lot more permanent. It's not that I have anything against single moms. It's just that having one in my life would be a much bigger responsibility, because there's no way I wouldn't want to help however I could. And also... tbh I'd be much happier if the first child my wife had was mine, and not someone else's. Anyways, yeah, as big a deal as it is, sadly far too many people go through break ups, so talking about that kind of heartbreak is meh to most people.
The second issue will probably get more sympathy. Quite simply my family's broken apart. I'd like to say it's still just breaking, but I'm not going to fool myself. Actions made by my parents are way too final, and it feels like my dad's successfully alienated the entire family. The worst of it is, I still love him, and he's not exactly a bad guy. It's just... Without sounding derogatory, he needs a lot of work. His views on marriage are more than just a little screwed. And the things he says he wants look a lot different in practice. I'm not going to publicly shame him, that would be wrong of me, and it's not like my mom is flawless either (even if I see her as a lot more in the right this time).
I'm just sick of it all. I want to find a good income somehow, make money, move out.
Because I'm not sure I can stay here much longer.

Anyways, that's all for now. I'm off to bed.
~Trudos

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Idk, this might actually be an essay, but it's just me writing thoughts down. Calling it an essay is my self-deprecatory way of warning people that it's going to be long and possibly boring if you're one of those ADHD people who can't read anything longer than four paragraphs with nice shiny pictures interspersed/strewn around in between. But anyways, if you've made it this far, congratulations. If you find this interesting, please leave a comment. Now here goes:

Personally, I think love is one of the least well talked about subjects in the world. I'm an odd sort of guy, one of my favorite authors wrote regency-period romances (for non-history aficionados, that was between the French Revolution and the Napoleonic Wars). I've read Pride and Prejudice, enjoyed it, and watched several adaptations. I've watched classical romances and romantic anime shows. I might, might even admit to being somewhat in love with love.
All this to say, I know a bit of what I'm talking about, simply because of who I am and where I've come from. And I think the one thing very few writers really cover adequately is that
Love is scary
I know in your romantic comedies you typically see the guy or the girl angsting over a confession, and it's either really funny so we laugh at their misery, or it's played for drama, so it's all incredibly moving. But romantic comedies rarely wax profoundly philosophical, so few of them ever cover one of the most basic human instincts.
The need for control
Everyone needs to feel some semblance of control, or at least that things are under control. Take it from me, if I didn't work so hard at being laid back and do my best to believe that God has everything under control (trust me, that's been difficult), I'd be a serious control freak. I'm a guy, but I'm also very emotional and artistically inclined. And as everyone should know, those two things often equal to being high needs. Because of this, I'm all too often inclined to obsess over the question of whether or not my future gf/wife (I'm currently single, have been for well over a year) will really love me back. It's this thought that brings my ramblings back down to my next point:
Love is scary… because it can't be controlled
Face it, the scariest part of any relationship, prospective or current, is that indelible question, do they love you back? And of course, anyone who's human can probably give you a long list of reasons, joking, self-deprecating, or downright deadly serious, about why the opposite sex has no business being within a mile of themselves.
I know, that line probably seems cliche and downright obvious, made worse by the above reflection. But honestly, it's the fact that we can't control love, that we have no possible way of controlling someone else's love, that makes it so daunting. On the one hand, it makes it amazing when they do love you. On the other hand, the idea that they might someday decide to leave, or less drastically, that they won't be able to love you the way you want to be loved, is downright freaky. So now I've had my say, Lord knows it's all been said before. But it's what was on my mind, and I figure it was worth writing.
Peace,
~Trudos

p.s. In other news, I am the moodiest person you will ever meet right now. Conversations over the course of the next few days might be interesting