Dear people, especially all of you who watch me on dA and actually read my journals,
First, I must apologise for so rarely posting on here. I'm very good at starting conversations and making friends, but I'm hardly filling your inbox with artwork to peruse. Honestly, half of the problem is laziness When it's so much easier to give into distractions, play games, go on tumblr, waste time on... well, the entirety of the internet it seems, I end up horribly procrastinating anything meaningful, because I'm either too lazy or too intimidated to put in the work. That or I'm just not in the mood.
On that note, that not being in the mood part is a big deal. I've had two crushing heartbreaks in the last month. I know I've had other crap going on, but these are so big they've filled my vision.
First, the girl I've dreamed about, who I was hoping to meet again one day, will likely never be entering the scene after all. I've found out she's engaged... and a new mom. Now, engagements can be broken (at least, for her, I could accept that ), but having a child... that's something a lot more permanent. It's not that I have anything against single moms. It's just that having one in my life would be a much bigger responsibility, because there's no way I wouldn't want to help however I could. And also... tbh I'd be much happier if the first child my wife had was mine, and not someone else's. Anyways, yeah, as big a deal as it is, sadly far too many people go through break ups, so talking about that kind of heartbreak is meh to most people.
The second issue will probably get more sympathy. Quite simply my family's broken apart. I'd like to say it's still just breaking, but I'm not going to fool myself. Actions made by my parents are way too final, and it feels like my dad's successfully alienated the entire family. The worst of it is, I still love him, and he's not exactly a bad guy. It's just... Without sounding derogatory, he needs a lot of work. His views on marriage are more than just a little screwed. And the things he says he wants look a lot different in practice. I'm not going to publicly shame him, that would be wrong of me, and it's not like my mom is flawless either (even if I see her as a lot more in the right this time).
I'm just sick of it all. I want to find a good income somehow, make money, move out.
Because I'm not sure I can stay here much longer.
Anyways, that's all for now. I'm off to bed.